i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
