his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize