Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
