i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
