yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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