You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
