there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
