she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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