wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
