I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
