She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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