I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
