btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize