I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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