i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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