I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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