Midget sex pt 2 tonight
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
