ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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