is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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