If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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