I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
