Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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