No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
