I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
