I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
