Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
