Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize