One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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