He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
