BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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