Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
