if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
