you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
How's work?
Spinning.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
