if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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