how can u be prego again
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
