i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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