Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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