how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize