I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
