I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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