I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize