I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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