My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
