Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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