I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
