I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
