HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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