I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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