just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
