its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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