Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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