You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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