I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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