This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
