she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize