I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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