There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
