I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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