Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
