i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
