i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
