ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
