Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
