I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
