she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
