we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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