you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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